Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Love Your Sistas: Beat Girl Hate

    What is girl hate? Guys, girl hate is a big deal. It effects both genders across the board, and it can mess with your friendships, your relationships, your family, and your livelihood. It's pervasive and it's taught to us by society. 

     The basic definition of girl hate is this: the feeling of need to compete with other girls and reassure yourself of the flaws of other girls. Girl hate pits us females against each other, supposedly in competition for "the mates". Whenever you feel a sudden, seemingly unexplained urge to tear another girl down, either quietly in your mind, out loud in gossipy conversation, or even to her face in a confrontation, this is girl hate. It's probably because you perceive this girl to be somehow "better" than you, and if she is "better" than you, than she will be more able to get "the mates" than you will, right? 

   Wrong-o. The myth of competition between girls for "the mates" is just that - a myth! There are plenty of potential spouses to go around, whether you prefer girls or guys. There are over seven billion people in the world, and there is someone for everyone who is looking for love (by the way, this whole system totally assumes that a girl's only purpose in life is to find a suitable mate, which it's NOT!). So there is no need for competition among girls. None. Zero. Zilch. 

    What's the big deal though? So what if girls get jealous of each other? The truth is, girl-hate totally undermines the entire female gender by trapping us in a constant competition against each other. If we are so busy focusing on beating other women, how can we hope to gain equality? Instead of putting down other girls, we need to bring each other up. Learning to love and encourage your sisters rather than discourage them will lead to a revolution among female kind - one of solidarity. Plus, it's a lot more fun to be nice to people, including your female fellows. 

   But how do you beat this jealous system? You have to think about ~why~ you are jealous of a girl in the first place. Is it because her hair is prettier than yours? She's talking to a guy you think is cute? Is it because she's a high-acheiver? Or is it a different, more personal and viable reason? If it falls under the last category, this is actually probably not girl hate. This might be a more personal feeling that you have to deal with separately. If it is girl hate though, you need to take a few mental steps. First, come to terms with the fact that your hate for this girl is not real, and that it is actually something that society has just programmed you to do. Second, instead of hating the qualities in this girl that you are so jealous of, appreciate them. Isn't it rad that this girl was able to find a guy she loves, or win student body president, or whatever? Instead of hating on a girl for her achievements, gifts, and talents, praise her, out loud or in your mind. Think about it like this: when your sisters succeed, you succeed. When you think positive thoughts about another girl, it is so uplifting for you, her, and all the other girls in the world. 

If this topic is super interesting to you, you might also enjoy these articles: "Let's Talk About Feminism"by me and "Getting Over Girl Hate" on Rookie, which is in fact the post that alerted me to this issue. 

Now go forth, and love your sistas!

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